What seemingly every couple wants today. Photo courtesy of 2013-valentinesday.blogspot.com
HOW HAVING ASPERGER’S SYNDROME HAS MADE VALENTINE’S DAY NOT SUCH A SPECIAL DAY FOR ME OVER THE YEARS
I’d like to make one thing clear before I go on:
I know that there are plenty of people who are on the Autism Spectrum Disorder and have what I have, Asperger’s Syndrome, that are happily celebrating Valentine’s Day today with a significant other.
I completely understand and agree that having Asperger’s should not be an impediment toward finding love.
This is not intended as a “Poor me, no one has ever wanted to be my Valentine because I have Asperger’s” rant.
I know it’s largely my fault that I haven’t been able to do – or, for lack of a better word, have been too lazy to do – what is necessary to be attractive to the opposite gender to the point of someone who I find attractive wanting to be my Valentine or more.
But I will state this…
I think a significant reason why the only Valentines I have gotten were during my early elementary school days, when the whole class got those little cards and candy hearts, is the fact that thanks to my level on the autistic spectrum, getting and having a girlfriend was – and remains – simply too complicated and confusing for me.
Many girls thought I was nice enough throughout junior high and high school, and I did have a scant handful of dates in college.
But unfortunately girls never really found me as “boyfriend material”, or having that level of attraction necessary for them to consider me as a romantic partner.
Plus the fact that I would do and say weird and inappropriate things while interacting with my peers would kill my attractiveness factor; the worst part being that as an aspie, I found it too difficult to follow the unwritten and subtle rules of how to act in a way that would not lead females to view me negatively and say, “Ew, Derek as a boyfriend? No thanks.”
There was one young lady during my college days that I was absolutely in love with, completely perfect looks-wise with the personality to match whom I tried desperately to get to see me the same way, but like everyone else put me in a permanent “Friend Zone”, which devastated me.
I can’t remember the last time I had a date that wasn’t a “platonic, just friends” deal.
This perfectly explains my feelings about this day. Image courtesy of psychologytoday.com
And you know the strangest thing about that?
I haven’t been upset about the lack of a significant other for quite some time as while I, like any other partner-less human, do get pangs of loneliness,
I also know that life is simpler for me without a girlfriend or a spouse as I would find myself “walking on eggshells” to avoid the conflicts that all couples experience. With my aspieness, I know I couldn’t handle them.
That’s the main reason I have no plans of ever being a husband as I have always felt and stated this:
Marriage is not for everyone. If it was, then wife-beating and abuse would not exist and the divorce rate would be zero instead of 50%.
So while I have felt sad and sorry for myself in the past for not having a Valentine, blaming Asperger’s for that, I pretty much don’t anymore, not nearly as much as I used to.
On the other hand, if anyone – not a blood relative, married or otherwise taken – would like to be my Valentine, I certainly wouldn’t say no.
As for today, it’s another year of not having a Valentine or a significant other.
Which on the surface is too bad but when I think about it, it’s probably for the best as contrary to what they say, I don’t feel that everyone is meant to end up with someone.
Life is easier for me this way, and the last thing I want as I approach my 50th birthday is for things to be complicated, because life is too short.
Having said all of this…
I can’t predict the future; who knows? Maybe God will see it fit for me to have that someone who I’m attracted to, who understands and embraces my aspieness, and is attracted to me to the point of us being in a beautiful relationship, find me, ending up living happily ever after.
I’m not going to worry about it; as far as I’m concerned, today’s just another day. And I’m very OK with that.
For those who do have significant others, I hope your Valentine’s Day is a good one.
I like this shot; did you know that according to myth, roses were the favorite flower of Venus, the Roman Goddess of Love? That explains a lot! Photo courtesy of theholidayspot.com