LOVE SEES NO COLOR: My View On Interracial Relationships

My feelings exactly. Image courtesy of theodysseyonline.com

 

I reckon that the title of this post has given away my feelings on people of different races and cultures dating and having romantic relationships.

A few years ago on the website HubPages.com I wrote about seeing a young teenage couple at a bus stop one day, doing the typical teenage couple thing; kissing, cuddling, etc.

The thing that appealed to me about that twosome was that she was Latina and he was an African-American, giving me a good feeling that relationships in which the people involved are a different race/ethnic group/culture are more accepted in the present day then when that Loving vs Virginia case was going down in 1967.

Unfortunately – and especially in the current cultural atmosphere triggered by the election of this country’s President-Who-I-Refuse-To-Name – there are plenty of folks who are completely against Miscegenation; folks who have the view that different races and ethnicities should never mix romantically, which includes Asians, Latinos, Pacific Islanders, and Jewish people as well as blacks and whites.

I remember back in high school having a crush on a Persian girl; to make a long story short, when I tried to call her, her mother angrily rebuffed me, me not knowing that a big part of Persian culture is for them and their children to only be “with their own”.

Of course I saw – and still see – that as plain old bigotry.

 

Florida, USA — Young interracial bride and groom on wedding day — Image by © Kai Chiang/Golden Pixels LLC/Corbis I love this wedding pic – that groom is SO lucky to be marrying such a beautiful bride! Photo courtesy of imgarcade.com

 

In fact, I’ll be perfectly honest…

While as a black man, I want to emphasize that this is no way whatsoever implying that I have anything against African-American females as I have a list of black women and girls that I had a crush on over the years, including Clueless’ Stacey Dash (her politics notwithstanding), The Facts of Life‘s Kim Fields, and especially Michelle Thomas, who played Urkel’s obsessive girlfriend on the TV show Family Matters and who tragically didn’t make it to the age of 30, dying of cancer before reaching that age,

I have always been attracted to females of all races and ethnic groups as their personality and integrity has far more importance in my book than the color of their skin and how they worship God.

Basing my romantic interest choices by initial physical attraction (unfortunately, that’s a natural reality) and  – more importantly – “the content of their character”, to quote Martin Luther King, is something that I have always emphasized.

In fact, I’ve always felt that to limit my dating/relationship options to strictly “my own kind”, as too many people, particularly social conservatives and right-wing types, would prefer to do, would not only be akin submitting myself to a voluntary Jim Crow-segregation,

I would feel straitjacketed, limited, and bored.

BOTTOM LINE:

When it comes to love, a mate should be chosen based on one’s heart and soul rather than skin pigmentation and cultural/ethnic sameness.

They say that “The heart wants what the heart wants” , and I’ll always strongly believe that anything between two individuals that is loving and affectionate should be appreciated and celebrated.

Which was why it gives me a feeling of gladness whenever I see interracial couples out there; it’s real good to see that race, ethnicity and culture in dating is far less of an issue for millennials than for previous generations.

My suggestion to all those couples out there who are given dirty looks or nasty comments because their skin color or ethnicity is different:

Just say this to those folks:

“Love sees no color, because there is only one race – the human race.”

Or tell them,

“You have a right to feel that way, but you know what? It’s SO none of your business!”

Which it isn’t!

Or better yet,  just ignore them.

 

Now this is a great picture of a truly gorgeous family. Photo courtesy of triadmomsonmain.com

 

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WALKING ON EGGSHELLS: A Second Excerpt

A good illustration of the process of my writing this book…

 

 

As part of the process of (self) publishing my book detailing my experiences with having Asperger’s, “WALKING ON EGGSHELLS”, I am posting excerpts of the book on this site on a monthly basis, to get it publicity and to hopefully raise interest.

Having started this last month with a few paragraphs from Chapter One, here is an excerpt from Chapter Two, titled “Shut Up, Derek!”, which describes the times I said inappropriate things and not only never realizing they were inappropriate, but feeling oppressed, like I was denied my First Amendment right, because I wasn’t being allowed to express myself the way I wanted.

Along with describing a pretty bad incident I did and a harrowing near-incident that if successful, I wouldn’t be writing this now.

Here it is:

 

“…I would be expressing myself, using what I thought was my first amendment rights in saying things, and someone would look at me with an annoying expression and say in a puzzlingly angry way, ‘Shut up, Derek!’

And my brain would always wonder, sometimes verbally, why that was said since I had done nothing wrong.

Consequently, I saw anyone who told me to shut up as an enemy, or someone who saw me as one; who hated me – or at least disliked me – for no reason, someone who was maliciously trying to deny me my basic American right to free expression, which around 350 million other residents of these United States have.

It was like everyone had the right to express themselves however they damn well pleased except me, as every instance of someone trying to hush me up made feel like I was in a North Korean prison camp being straitjacketed and chained up like a pit bull, being unnecessarily restricted by what I could and could not say.

There were several of these negative events (people telling me to shut up in not a nice way, like they hated me) that I can recall as clearly as I can recall what I had for breakfast this morning, reminders of how my aspie brain had and still has rendered me as an annoying, insensitive dork with too many people as far as my vocal interactions.

…my reaction to…(seemingly) everyone’s assessment of me fluctuated between feelings of bewilderment over people having such negative vibes regarding me when in my mind I didn’t do anything to them, and anger over these people trying to deny my first amendment right to free speech.

This anger manifested itself by me forcefully saying ‘Shut me up!’, trying to fight the oppression that according to my Asperger’s brain those who were telling me to shut it were trying t do, but even that didn’t compare in the slightest to what I did to a girl one night during my days at SMC (short for Santa Monica College, which is how we all referred to the place), which is SO hard to think about today because it was SO unforgivably heinous.

It happened during an SMC football game – the minor leagues of college football – sometime during my second year there.

 

 

Too many folks didn’t understand me back in the day because of this, which I wouldn’t even know about until the mid-90s and which socially cost me SO much…

 

 

I was commenting about the football players on the field – I don’t recall what I said and I definitely didn’t think whatever I did say was bad at all – when this girl, whom I had known since junior high and was never really friends with in the first place, her seemingly finding fault with everything I said and commenting how dumb it was, told me to…

‘Shut up, Derek. Just shut up.’

Feeling like I was being treated like shit for no reason other than being myself by someone who I felt had oppressed me that way more than once before, dating back six years to that point, I snapped and did something that NO guy should EVER do to a female.

I hauled off and punched her on the shoulder.

You are now free to call me a loser and a punk for hitting a girl; I’ll wait…

Just as you would figure, everyone was understandably pissed off at me beyond belief; I still wonder why I wasn’t suspended from school for what I did.

What happened next was a continuation of me snapping, as I proceeded to go up to the top of the bleachers, which was easily a couple of hundred feet high if not more, and started to put one leg over a wall, intending to jump off. One other acquaintance who likewise never liked me sneeringly commented that I was trying to get attention, which I don’t deny – I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t.

I obviously didn’t put my other leg over that back wall and go through what at that moment I had intended to go through, else you wouldn’t be reading this book.

It was also clear that what I was suffering from along with Asperger’s was something which I honestly feel had stemmed from all those people seemingly oppressing, abusing, and bullying me throughout my life:

DEPRESSION.

After I put my leg back on the safe side of the stands, I issued my apologies to the girl who I punched and everyone else, then sat in my seat…but not really giving my full attention to the game the way I normally would due to me feeling lower tan a slug buried sixteen feet under, which I wouldn’t have minded being that night.

 

Pretty traumatic stuff, eh?

While I never hit any girls or women or attempted suicide again, there were more incidents of me feeling like I was in a prison in North Korea due to people telling to shut up for what in my mind was no reason in this chapter.

For details, read the book when it comes out.

BY THE WAY: Next month I’ll post an except from Chapter Five, “The Bullied Life”, which is self-explanatory…

 

An illustration of how I wrote my first draft of WALKING ON EGGSHELLS…

 

 

 

 

 

THREE YEARS OF HARTLAND CHRONICLES: The Anniversary Post

What I’ve been doing for the past nine years. Photo courtesy of writersonline.workshops.com

 

COMMEMORATING 1,095 DAYS OF THIS BLOG/SITE

 

I know it’s a tired cliché that I reckon folks are tired of hearing, but…

Three years goes by quite fast, doesn’t it?

I recall like it was yesterday (another cliché) the day I began this blog;

I simply wanted to assert my independence in writing online, as I had spent the previous six years posting articles for HubPages.com and Triond.com (which is no longer in existence), sites that paid royalties – yes, I made a little money from them – that to be honest I was getting a bit tired of.

Particularly in the case of HubPages as while I enjoyed posting on that site, after spending so many years with them I wanted the freedom to write without someone saying that I needed to change this or that, or not accepting my pieces because they didn’t like the way I made a point.

It was similar for the sports sites I wrote for, Bleacher Report and Fansided, as I was on them for seven years before starting Hartland Chronicles; I wrote sports stories on this blog for the first few months before starting SoCal Sports Annals in January of 2015.

Here’s the link to that site, which for all intents and purposes is my being-my-own-boss job; check it out, I think you’ll like it: http://www.socalsportsannals.wordpress.com

Looking back, I understand that sites like Hubpages need to maintain a certain standard of quality.

However, the fact that I wanted to determine what was quality and what was not ultimately led to my starting this blog of my own.

In other words, it was the freedom that having my own blog offered that led to starting one.

Which is much like someone starting their own business; they do so because they don’t want to be at the mercy of some employer, much preferring to work for oneself than working for someone else.

That’s always been my ultimate mindset and – I realize now – my ultimate goal for my work life: not answering to someone else.

 

 

I have so felt like this guy over the years, and sometimes even now; left out of things because (in my case) misunderstanding and intolerance of my having Asperger’s. Photo courtesy of anxiety.org

 

 

ANOTHER MOTIVATION FOR STARTING THIS BLOG OF MINE:

Like I did on Triond and Hubpages, I wanted to have a site where my experiences with having Asperger’s Syndrome can be expressed.

I’ve transposed a few of my Asperger’s articles onto this site as well as give regular updates in the progress of my book describing my experiences of being on the Autism Spectrum, WALKING ON EGGSHELLS,

And not only will I continue to do so, I have started posting excerpts of WALKING ON EGGSHELLS on this site, the first one appearing a few weeks ago (hope everyone read it!); I’m going to post the next one later this month – hope it’s checked out!

I reckon some are asking why I’m writing about having Asperger’s, both in book form and on this blog…

In a nutshell, it’s both a sort of therapy of me as being on the spectrum has not been fun,

And a way for people to understand Aspies better as misunderstanding is a root of mistreatment, bullying and all those other bad things that folks with Asperger’s and others on the autistic spectrum go through.

Not that writing about my struggles with being an Aspie has been the only topic I’ve written about, as things ranging from God/religion to movies to politics to health issues to music (yes, I still think boy bands suck!) to racial issues have appeared on here.

And will continue to do so as issues come up.

 

 

Always a good source of therapy and a way I can relax; looking at nice nature scenery like this…

 

 

THE INEVITABLE QUESTION: HOW HAVE I LIKED WRITING ON THIS BLOG?

The short answer: It’s been good.

An outlet for expression if nothing else, which is important.

Of course it would be great if the number of reads were more than what they are as while it improved this past month thanks to an article I did about the best summer songs – here’s the link to find out what they are: http://www.hartlandchronicles.wordpress.com/2017/06/29/eight-essential-summer-songs-my-personal-favorites/

There have been quite a few days where I would get no reads at all, leading me to wonder if I was wasting my time.

I quickly came to my senses on that one – else this site wouldn’t exist – as being able to write what I know/want and getting it out there is what’s important to me.

And I do appreciate the nearly forty followers I have.

Bottom Line: It’s been a good three years having my own personal blog where I can write and express myself without anyone looking over my shoulder and acting like my “boss”, telling me my stuff is no good or not good enough.

I don’t know where it will all lead at the end of the day, but I certainly hope that Hartland Chronicles is still going strong in another three years.

And that people will be interested enough to visit it and read what I have to say.

 

BY THE WAY:  Watch for the next excerpt of WALKING ON EGGSHELLS”, which will pertain to being an African-American on the Autism Spectrum and will appear on this site next week.

 

An essential tool of my trade for nearly a decade now…