Photo courtesy of droidtvnews.com
RELIVING THE DAY I DECIDED TO CHANGE MY LIFE ONCE AND FOR ALL
I remember it well;
On this day in 2008, I was in pretty bad shape emotionally.
In fact, I was in pretty bad shape for the past few years, as I was pathetically trying to hold onto my life working with young people in education and sports.
For the previous five years, I was miserably failing at being gainfully employed, either quitting or being fired from every one of the six jobs that I had, ranging from being a tutor in East Los Angeles to being on the coaching staff for a high school softball team, to being a playground aide – a job where I lasted only a few weeks – to my last gig as an after school teacher.
Looking back, it was evident that I was depressed on a fairly pronounced scale, even threatening suicide at one of those jobs when my supervisor was, at least in my warped mind, picking on me for something.
It all came to a head during that last after school job when my supervisor – a young lady who was half my age – lectured me due to something I did.
Which I deserved in retrospect, but my mind was so messed up over having to kowtow to someone who could have been one of my students or athletes that I felt humiliated, among other negative things.
I fell into SUCH a depression that I stayed home for the next three days, rarely getting out of bed.
Which brings me to that fateful day – this day – exactly a decade ago.
I had finally realized once and for all that the effects of my being on the Autism Spectrum Disorder – having Asperger’s Syndrome to be precise – was never going to be conducive to me working with other people on a daily basis.
Not only that, I had realized that I absolutely was sick and tired of working for and answering to someone else.
I hated having to impress and please people who I honestly felt saw me as an inferior, not an equal human being in my mind.
I realized that I desperately needed my freedom, my independence from being at the mercy of someone else; for that someone else to determine whether you were going to be able to eat, buy clothes, and pay the rent through their employment of you.
Considering all the work I’ve done these past ten years, I suppose it’s safe for me to say this. Photo courtesy of dreamstop.com
Which was causing a stress that was quite unhealthy.
And most of all, after remembering how people had told me over the years that they liked my writing and my essays in schools and such, I realized that my talents were in that field and that I needed to pursue that wholeheartedly.
Or forever wish I had.
In short, being an employee was virtually – and perhaps literally, being that I had threatened suicide more than once during my time in the workforce – killing me.
I began that February 6th by meeting the softball coach I was under the previous spring at a Carl’s Jr., telling him of my plans.
Then I journeyed to the school where I was working at to take my stand against those oppressors, I mean employers.
To formally quit not only my job, but the “Kid Business” in general, ending my life in working for young people.
To in layman’s terms, tell the overseers, I mean supervisors, at that after-school job to “Kiss my ass” (not literally of course; I had a little more class than that).
And to begin my life as a writer, which I did a few days later when I found a site called HubPages.com and began writing different articles about my experiences with having Asperger’s and other things, which I got paid in royalties for.
Which led me to joining another writing site that paid royalties, Triond.com
Which, being a sports person who liked to give opinions about such, led me to writing for Bleacher Report and Fansided, helping to start GoJoeBruin.com, a sports blog covering my alma mater UCLA, on that network.
Which eventually led me to starting two blogs of my own:
SoCalSportsAnnals.com, on this same WordPress network,
And this blog.
Which I will have had for three (for SoCal Sports Annals) and four years this July (for this blog) respectively.
Along with working on my book describing my struggles with being on the autism spectrum in a non-autistic world, “WALKING ON EGGSHELLS”, which I am on the verge of finishing as I have done a fourth draft and am going to do some final editing on one chapter in particular.
I thought it would be nice to include a picture of Charlie Brown’s dog doing his writing here, as I grew up on “Peanuts” and consider it the greatest comic strip of all time. Image courtesy of jdspero.wordpress.com
In Case You Were Wondering:
No, I have NOT gotten rich from this now decade-long career – FAR from it.
But that’s perfectly OK as my mental well-being has improved in the past ten years since that day I walked away from the “Kid Business”
I don’t pretend that I have arrived as a writer; I’m definitely haven’t had any success on any best seller lists whatsoever.
But one thing is for sure…
By having these two blogs and this soon-to-be published book (by no later than the end of this year), I feel that I’m being more a contributor to society.
For lack of a better term, I feel that I’m more in my niche.
And that I will have left something worthwhile to be remembered by when my time in this world is over – if people care to remember me at all.
Which I think is a big part of living your life.
All Right, Here’s My Main Point:
It all began ten years ago today.
And it wouldn’t be right to not mark the occasion in these Hartland Chronicles of mine.
Of course it’s my hope and prayer that my life in writing will continue to be fulfilling.
And if it becomes lucrative, great!
But to be honest, making a lot of money was not on my mind when I decided to do this.
It was to become happy in my life’s work – or at least happier.
Which I of course thank God for as I’m convinced He was leading me to this.
It’s been a pretty good ten years doing this writing thing.
I only pray that the next ten years are as good if not better.
Perhaps I’ll work on a young adult novel when “WALKING ON EGGSHELLS” is done and published; I have a few ideas swimming in my head.
I know I’m going to grow and evolve SoCal Sports Annals, as that’s my business for all intents and purposes.
I also know that I’m not where I want and need to be as a writer, and probably won’t be for a while.
But at least I’m not where I used to be those past few years working for someone else, especially mentally.
And that’s something that I certainly thank the Good Lord for.
Photo courtesy of writehacked.com