LOVE SEES NO COLOR: My View On Interracial Relationships

My feelings exactly. Image courtesy of theodysseyonline.com

 

I reckon that the title of this post has given away my feelings on people of different races and cultures dating and having romantic relationships.

A few years ago on the website HubPages.com I wrote about seeing a young teenage couple at a bus stop one day, doing the typical teenage couple thing; kissing, cuddling, etc.

The thing that appealed to me about that twosome was that she was Latina and he was an African-American, giving me a good feeling that relationships in which the people involved are a different race/ethnic group/culture are more accepted in the present day then when that Loving vs Virginia case was going down in 1967.

Unfortunately – and especially in the current cultural atmosphere triggered by the election of this country’s President-Who-I-Refuse-To-Name – there are plenty of folks who are completely against Miscegenation; folks who have the view that different races and ethnicities should never mix romantically, which includes Asians, Latinos, Pacific Islanders, and Jewish people as well as blacks and whites.

I remember back in high school having a crush on a Persian girl; to make a long story short, when I tried to call her, her mother angrily rebuffed me, me not knowing that a big part of Persian culture is for them and their children to only be “with their own”.

Of course I saw – and still see – that as plain old bigotry.

 

Florida, USA — Young interracial bride and groom on wedding day — Image by © Kai Chiang/Golden Pixels LLC/Corbis I love this wedding pic – that groom is SO lucky to be marrying such a beautiful bride! Photo courtesy of imgarcade.com

 

In fact, I’ll be perfectly honest…

While as a black man, I want to emphasize that this is no way whatsoever implying that I have anything against African-American females as I have a list of black women and girls that I had a crush on over the years, including Clueless’ Stacey Dash (her politics notwithstanding), The Facts of Life‘s Kim Fields, and especially Michelle Thomas, who played Urkel’s obsessive girlfriend on the TV show Family Matters and who tragically didn’t make it to the age of 30, dying of cancer before reaching that age,

I have always been attracted to females of all races and ethnic groups as their personality and integrity has far more importance in my book than the color of their skin and how they worship God.

Basing my romantic interest choices by initial physical attraction (unfortunately, that’s a natural reality) and  – more importantly – “the content of their character”, to quote Martin Luther King, is something that I have always emphasized.

In fact, I’ve always felt that to limit my dating/relationship options to strictly “my own kind”, as too many people, particularly social conservatives and right-wing types, would prefer to do, would not only be akin submitting myself to a voluntary Jim Crow-segregation,

I would feel straitjacketed, limited, and bored.

BOTTOM LINE:

When it comes to love, a mate should be chosen based on one’s heart and soul rather than skin pigmentation and cultural/ethnic sameness.

They say that “The heart wants what the heart wants” , and I’ll always strongly believe that anything between two individuals that is loving and affectionate should be appreciated and celebrated.

Which was why it gives me a feeling of gladness whenever I see interracial couples out there; it’s real good to see that race, ethnicity and culture in dating is far less of an issue for millennials than for previous generations.

My suggestion to all those couples out there who are given dirty looks or nasty comments because their skin color or ethnicity is different:

Just say this to those folks:

“Love sees no color, because there is only one race – the human race.”

Or tell them,

“You have a right to feel that way, but you know what? It’s SO none of your business!”

Which it isn’t!

Or better yet,  just ignore them.

 

Now this is a great picture of a truly gorgeous family. Photo courtesy of triadmomsonmain.com

 

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VALENTINE’S DAY & ME: Not The Best Combination

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What seemingly every couple wants today. Photo courtesy of 2013-valentinesday.blogspot.com

 

HOW HAVING ASPERGER’S SYNDROME HAS MADE VALENTINE’S DAY NOT SUCH A SPECIAL DAY FOR ME OVER THE YEARS

 

I’d like to make one thing clear before I go on:

I know that there are plenty of people who are on the Autism Spectrum Disorder and have what I have, Asperger’s Syndrome, that are happily celebrating Valentine’s Day today with a significant other.

I completely understand and agree that having Asperger’s should not be an impediment toward finding love.

This is not intended as a “Poor me, no one has ever wanted to be my Valentine because I have Asperger’s” rant.

I know it’s largely my fault that I haven’t been able to do – or, for lack of a better word, have been too lazy to do – what is necessary to be attractive to the opposite gender to the point of someone who I find attractive wanting to be my Valentine or more.

But I will state this…

I think a significant reason why the only Valentines I have gotten were during my early elementary school days, when the whole class got those little cards and candy hearts, is the fact that thanks to my level on the autistic spectrum, getting and having a girlfriend was – and remains – simply too complicated and confusing for me.

Many girls thought I was nice enough throughout junior high and high school, and I did have a scant handful of dates in college.

But unfortunately girls never really found me as “boyfriend material”, or having that level of attraction necessary for them to consider me as a romantic partner.

Plus the fact that I would do and say weird and inappropriate things while interacting with my peers would kill my attractiveness factor; the worst part being that as an aspie, I found it too difficult to follow the unwritten and subtle rules of how to act in a way that would not lead females to view me negatively and say, “Ew, Derek as a boyfriend? No thanks.”

There was one young lady during my college days that I was absolutely in love with, completely perfect looks-wise with the personality to match whom I tried desperately to get to see me the same way, but like everyone else put me in a permanent “Friend Zone”, which devastated me.

I can’t remember the last time I had a date that wasn’t a “platonic, just friends” deal.

 

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This perfectly explains my feelings about this day. Image courtesy of psychologytoday.com

 

And you know the strangest thing about that?

I haven’t been upset about the lack of a significant other for quite some time as while I, like any other partner-less human, do get pangs of loneliness,

I also know that life is simpler for me without a girlfriend or a spouse as I would find myself “walking on eggshells” to avoid the conflicts that all couples experience. With my aspieness, I know I couldn’t handle them.

That’s the main reason I have no plans of ever being a husband as I have always felt and stated this:

Marriage is not for everyone. If it was, then wife-beating and abuse would not exist and the divorce rate would be zero instead of 50%.

So while I have felt sad and sorry for myself in the past for not having a Valentine, blaming Asperger’s for that, I pretty much don’t anymore, not nearly as much as I used to.

On the other hand, if anyone – not a blood relative, married or otherwise taken  – would like to be my Valentine, I certainly wouldn’t say no.

As for today, it’s another year of not having a Valentine or a significant other.

Which on the surface is too bad but when I think about it, it’s probably for the best as contrary to what they say, I don’t feel that everyone is meant to end up with someone.

Life is easier for me this way, and the last thing I want as I approach my 50th birthday is for things to be complicated, because life is too short.

Having said all of this…

I can’t predict the future; who knows? Maybe God will see it fit for me to have that someone who I’m attracted to, who understands and embraces my aspieness,  and is attracted to me to the point of us being in a beautiful relationship, find me, ending up living happily ever after.

I’m not going to worry about it; as far as I’m concerned, today’s just another day. And I’m very OK with that.

For those who do have significant others, I hope your Valentine’s Day is a good one.

 

red-roses-for-valenines-day

I like this shot; did you know that according to myth, roses were the favorite flower of Venus, the Roman Goddess of Love? That explains a lot! Photo courtesy of theholidayspot.com